As I sit here on my bed at almost midnight during the late dawn of November, hopped up on some nameless substance (lack of sleep), I am slapped in the face with the fact that I am whole heartedly smitten and devoted to a certain man who happens to currently be residing in Thailand temporarily, I want so badly to tell him all of these feelings that are overwhelming my mind right now.
We haven't been together near long enough for people to believe it if I were to say I love him, but I do. This man is like no one I have ever met. He is absolutely incredible. Breathtaking. Mesmerizing. Intelligent. Funny. He has so many traits about him I never thought I would want in a man, but as it would turn out, he is everything I've been looking for- and that is something not even I knew. I would sit sometimes at dinner, or on the tip top of a freezing cold rock in the rain, and just look at him and the butterflies continue. There is such a beautiful mind within him.. such a precious soul. He and I met at work; a hard-working chef who had a great passive-aggressive sense of humor and this bandana which strangely attracted me... and these tattoos up his arms that my mind longed to find the end of... he had to be mine. He is, however, a one night stand gone terribly awry and I'm sad to say I've fallen for this crazy bastard. I'm so used to meeting people and having them in and out of my life in under a month; I had a tolerance built up toward it for a long time.. I didn't want that broken down. It's horrifying. It always results in heartbreak for me. Always has. People either get tired of me being around, or they just don't want me anymore, and I'm always the one who loves more. That's how I am. I have such empathy for people. Hopefully this will be the end of that streak. It was terrifying, getting to know this person. This random stranger I met at a random event I picked up at the very last minute now has my heart to do with it whatever he pleases. It's sad, really, not knowing what's going to happen, but I'm very glad and very lucky to say that I have no desire to be with anyone else or change anything the way it is, right now. He's on the other side of the world, and I talk to him twice a day, maybe, and I haven't been happier with someone in a long time. We lived together for a week and a half before he left, and the only stress was caused by his trip- it was perfect. I could do that for an extended period of time. I would love to. He is the best company to keep, and he makes me happier than any other. It's funny, life, in that it always manages to hit you in the face with exactly what you wanted, whether you knew it or not, as soon as you stop looking for it.
Before I moved out to San Diego, I had repressed my unnerving desire to travel and not settle down and eat and drink and live my fucking life the way I wanted to because goddammit I only get one and I wanted to live it in the best way possible. I became a school-driven, parent-pleasing person. That's not the girl I am. I'm some sort of combination drug/alcoholic with a tendency to fall asleep during movies and be wide awake as soon as they're over. I love food and I'm vulgar.. I make inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times and I am uncomfortable in new social situations. I'm still trying to figure out exactly who I am, but fuck if I don't know exactly what I want out of this life.
If I were to travel this tiny planet, this pale blue dot, if I may, and work several odd jobs and gain nothing but common knowledge and experience, I feel I would be completely content with myself and the way I lived my life. Life is too short to sit around and be miserable. I just quit my job for that exact reason.
and this man, Tariq, this perfect man, reintroduced me to that girl.
As I spoke to an old friend recently, Tariq was brought up and I did the typical "what's he like, what does he do" bullshit... and as I was speaking, my friend chimed in with "you know, Giulia, it's about time you found him. I think you found your guy." I was confused until he expanded- there was a time when all I talked about was seeing the world and trying everything and this craving to live in (or slightly above) the poverty line to empathize and gain knowledge and pure human interaction. Human interaction is a million times more important and rewarding than anything you could ever learn in school, and this is something I've believed for many years. There's nothing I want more than to go and live and see everything and do everything and have the best stories to tell as I grow old with whomever I end up growing old with. The idea of being cooped up in an office (save a newspaper/magazine/online combination of the two, office) with nothing to show for my life but my master's degree and the $80,000 I have in debt from going to school to achieve this "education" is terrifying. I was programmed to believe, not only by school officials, but by my mother's best friend- a woman I have looked up to for as long as I can remember- that getting a college education was the only way to be truly happy. But throughout my life, I've realized that isn't what I want. Not at all. Sure, it opens up a million and a half doors, and I'm sure I'll take some classes online and get a small journalism degree at some point, so people take me seriously, but at the end of the day, all I want is to be out in the world with someone I love- helping people, eating amazing food, and culturing myself. The thought of being tied down in one place doing one thing for the rest of my life, simply to live in one city with one person and one home... it is so unappealing. I crave the change and beautiful disaster that comes with not knowing what's going to happen... and doing it anyway.
I am so incredibly grateful to this amazing man for reintroducing me to myself. I know what I want and I know who I want it with. I cannot thank him enough for his support and the things he says that he doesn't even realize hit me so hard.
I found myself in him. It's a beautiful thing when that happens... I can't think of any other place I'd rather be than with him at any point in time doing any random shit we get ourselves into.
Such a precious soul.
Such a bittersweet time.
Such a beautiful future.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Monday, August 8, 2011
"The hilarious contributions made by homosexuals"
Today my mother and I went to church because the other night she came into my room crying, asking to sleep on the floor to protect me from the devil. Sure.
We walk in during the "worship time" and sit down. I'm already smirking at the people so enthralled in all of this. A man comes up several songs into the "worship time" to make us all aware of "upcoming events and church news". A slide comes up on the screen regarding the recent bill proposed by the state of California which would require all public schools to include, in their history programs, the historical contributions made by homosexuals. The man speaking then says, "Sign the petition against this bill so all of our children in public schools, from kindergarten through the 12th grade, won't be required to learn about the historical, or should I say hysterical (the church laughs and applauds), contributions made by homosexuals in our society. "
Okay. Let me make something clear: I am, in no way, opposed to having religious beliefs or anything like that. I'm not going to run around telling you you're wrong and throwing scientific evidence in your face unless the need were to arise. I'm all for freedom of speech and having your own viewpoints on the world and how it should be run, HOWEVER: How dare you make a statement like that and then go on for the next hour telling people to love one another no matter how hard it is, whether they're a "believer" or not, or what-have-you. How dare you.
It's okay for the children and our future children to learn about all the different religions and different views on the world (BUT NOT EVOLUTION, OF COURSE NOT), but when it comes to homosexuality and the ways they've contributed to society, it's unacceptable? I mean, I'm not saying we should take out all religious and creationism vs evolution theories, not at all. I do think, however, children should be exposed to all forms of religion, political parties, lifestyles, and creation theories and be able to make their own choices. We need to expand and open our children's minds to new ideas; let them see what's really going on and base their ways of life around the theories/ viewpoints they see fit.
There is no good in hiding homosexuality from them. It does more harm than good. The same goes for evolution, abortions, and the like. Just because you weren't brought up around these things and are completely repulsed by the idea of them even existing doesn't mean your child, who is going to grow up in a world where these are the most important, controversial topics of our time (among everyone), shouldn't be exposed to them or not be allowed to devise their own hypothesis on the matter.
Let's take into consideration one thing a lot of people (read: parents) say in defense against their children... thinking for themselves: I want my child to have the best life possible and, for that to happen, he needs to believe what I do because I am right; I have always been right and always will be right. Therefore, if my child is exposed to conflicting ideas, he will become a satanist and go against everything I believe in and will die.
There's also the famed: You're just a child, and I'm not secure enough in the way that I raised you to trust you enough to make the best, most logical decision for yourself.
Or something similar. Here's where your logic is flawed, parents: you forget the things you wanted to say against your parents. And here's something even more riveting: due to the fact that we don't all obey every word our parents say, or do exactly as they do, society has (gasp) flourished.
Do you see anyone running around with a torch burning people claiming they're witches? No. Do you know why?
Because one day, Johnny asked mommy why she was screaming to set another woman on fire, and she responded "Because we think she's a witch." Johnny responded, "Think? Shouldn't we find out for sure?" "Nah," responded mommy. Johnny thought she was wrong and did something about it. Soon, other people began to listen to what Johnny was saying and realized, 'hey, maybe we should find out more about these people before setting them on fire.'
Guess what happened.
None of them were witches and thousands of innocent lives were saved.
Same goes for slavery, my god especially slavery. We all know the story, but my point is: having differing opinions is not wrong.
Yes, yes, I understand you want what's best for your child(ren) and, if you're firmly ground in your beliefs, by all means, teach them about them! But don't shield them from learning about other things because you want to control them in just one more way.
Often, we forget the fact that no one really knows what's going on. We make our best guesses based on the evidence we're given and hope we're right in the end.
Religion is nothing more than a "more complex" version of "pick one and hope you're right". I once heard a quote from a man I know to be an extremely devoted Christian. When asked his stand on religion, he calmly responded "Whoever you think god is, you better hope you're right". I thought it was absolutely brilliant. Not over-done, not too complex, can't be taken out of context. Simple. To the point. Brilliant. He didn't force his beliefs on the man, nor did he remotely mention them.
Getting back to the original point of this post; I understand why some people would be wary of this law being passed. I'm not implying (or trying to, at least) that they don't have any reason to be slightly concerned by its passing. I am, however, emphasizing the fact that it's not a bad thing, introducing new ideas to children. I can only imagine the reaction some parents (or grandparents) had when they decided to put black history into history curriculum.
It's not like it's something they won't be seeing even more frequently when their kids are in school. How awful would it be for your grandchild to go home to his parents (your child) and say, "I was at Billy's house, and his dads made me the best grilled cheese!" and your child responded, "Dads? Ewwwwwww"
Immature. Rude. Disrespectful. Immature.
It's something that's becoming more and more prominent in our world because people are being urged to be who they really are and, to be blunt, fuck what everyone else thinks. If (god forbid.) your child were to be gay, would you disown him? I sure hope not. But, more importantly, would your child THINK you would disown him? If I had a child, I would encourage him to always be true to himself, because if you're lying to yourself, you're lying to everyone else. And isn't that one of the ten commandments? DON'T LIE OR ELSE YOU'LL GO TO HELL.
Okay, that was inappropriate.
But, in all seriousness, it is absurd, inconsiderate, and flat-out silly to want to shield your child from learning about the history and contributions made by homosexuals. It's creating a sense of ignorance that I, and I'm sure several other hundred-thousand people, wouldn't like to see in the next generation. No matter how many times you've heard it, ignorance is not bliss.
Learning about homosexuals will not make your child gay.
People are not "turned". It is what it is.
If the people leading are ignorant, the ones being fed will be the same.
We walk in during the "worship time" and sit down. I'm already smirking at the people so enthralled in all of this. A man comes up several songs into the "worship time" to make us all aware of "upcoming events and church news". A slide comes up on the screen regarding the recent bill proposed by the state of California which would require all public schools to include, in their history programs, the historical contributions made by homosexuals. The man speaking then says, "Sign the petition against this bill so all of our children in public schools, from kindergarten through the 12th grade, won't be required to learn about the historical, or should I say hysterical (the church laughs and applauds), contributions made by homosexuals in our society. "
Okay. Let me make something clear: I am, in no way, opposed to having religious beliefs or anything like that. I'm not going to run around telling you you're wrong and throwing scientific evidence in your face unless the need were to arise. I'm all for freedom of speech and having your own viewpoints on the world and how it should be run, HOWEVER: How dare you make a statement like that and then go on for the next hour telling people to love one another no matter how hard it is, whether they're a "believer" or not, or what-have-you. How dare you.
It's okay for the children and our future children to learn about all the different religions and different views on the world (BUT NOT EVOLUTION, OF COURSE NOT), but when it comes to homosexuality and the ways they've contributed to society, it's unacceptable? I mean, I'm not saying we should take out all religious and creationism vs evolution theories, not at all. I do think, however, children should be exposed to all forms of religion, political parties, lifestyles, and creation theories and be able to make their own choices. We need to expand and open our children's minds to new ideas; let them see what's really going on and base their ways of life around the theories/ viewpoints they see fit.
There is no good in hiding homosexuality from them. It does more harm than good. The same goes for evolution, abortions, and the like. Just because you weren't brought up around these things and are completely repulsed by the idea of them even existing doesn't mean your child, who is going to grow up in a world where these are the most important, controversial topics of our time (among everyone), shouldn't be exposed to them or not be allowed to devise their own hypothesis on the matter.
Let's take into consideration one thing a lot of people (read: parents) say in defense against their children... thinking for themselves: I want my child to have the best life possible and, for that to happen, he needs to believe what I do because I am right; I have always been right and always will be right. Therefore, if my child is exposed to conflicting ideas, he will become a satanist and go against everything I believe in and will die.
There's also the famed: You're just a child, and I'm not secure enough in the way that I raised you to trust you enough to make the best, most logical decision for yourself.
Or something similar. Here's where your logic is flawed, parents: you forget the things you wanted to say against your parents. And here's something even more riveting: due to the fact that we don't all obey every word our parents say, or do exactly as they do, society has (gasp) flourished.
Do you see anyone running around with a torch burning people claiming they're witches? No. Do you know why?
Because one day, Johnny asked mommy why she was screaming to set another woman on fire, and she responded "Because we think she's a witch." Johnny responded, "Think? Shouldn't we find out for sure?" "Nah," responded mommy. Johnny thought she was wrong and did something about it. Soon, other people began to listen to what Johnny was saying and realized, 'hey, maybe we should find out more about these people before setting them on fire.'
Guess what happened.
None of them were witches and thousands of innocent lives were saved.
Same goes for slavery, my god especially slavery. We all know the story, but my point is: having differing opinions is not wrong.
Yes, yes, I understand you want what's best for your child(ren) and, if you're firmly ground in your beliefs, by all means, teach them about them! But don't shield them from learning about other things because you want to control them in just one more way.
Often, we forget the fact that no one really knows what's going on. We make our best guesses based on the evidence we're given and hope we're right in the end.
Religion is nothing more than a "more complex" version of "pick one and hope you're right". I once heard a quote from a man I know to be an extremely devoted Christian. When asked his stand on religion, he calmly responded "Whoever you think god is, you better hope you're right". I thought it was absolutely brilliant. Not over-done, not too complex, can't be taken out of context. Simple. To the point. Brilliant. He didn't force his beliefs on the man, nor did he remotely mention them.
Getting back to the original point of this post; I understand why some people would be wary of this law being passed. I'm not implying (or trying to, at least) that they don't have any reason to be slightly concerned by its passing. I am, however, emphasizing the fact that it's not a bad thing, introducing new ideas to children. I can only imagine the reaction some parents (or grandparents) had when they decided to put black history into history curriculum.
It's not like it's something they won't be seeing even more frequently when their kids are in school. How awful would it be for your grandchild to go home to his parents (your child) and say, "I was at Billy's house, and his dads made me the best grilled cheese!" and your child responded, "Dads? Ewwwwwww"
Immature. Rude. Disrespectful. Immature.
It's something that's becoming more and more prominent in our world because people are being urged to be who they really are and, to be blunt, fuck what everyone else thinks. If (god forbid.) your child were to be gay, would you disown him? I sure hope not. But, more importantly, would your child THINK you would disown him? If I had a child, I would encourage him to always be true to himself, because if you're lying to yourself, you're lying to everyone else. And isn't that one of the ten commandments? DON'T LIE OR ELSE YOU'LL GO TO HELL.
Okay, that was inappropriate.
But, in all seriousness, it is absurd, inconsiderate, and flat-out silly to want to shield your child from learning about the history and contributions made by homosexuals. It's creating a sense of ignorance that I, and I'm sure several other hundred-thousand people, wouldn't like to see in the next generation. No matter how many times you've heard it, ignorance is not bliss.
Learning about homosexuals will not make your child gay.
People are not "turned". It is what it is.
If the people leading are ignorant, the ones being fed will be the same.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I am currently..
calling out grown men on their immaturity in the comment threads of Planned Parenthood's Facebook page.
I swear, some people are so close-minded and driven by nothing other than their ego it's disgusting.
I am honestly disgusted.
People flaunting their education levels and calling the others ignorant.
Who are they to say anything about anything?
We're all so ignorant to everything around us, it's sad.
I swear, some people are so close-minded and driven by nothing other than their ego it's disgusting.
I am honestly disgusted.
People flaunting their education levels and calling the others ignorant.
Who are they to say anything about anything?
We're all so ignorant to everything around us, it's sad.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Oh, Microsoft.
"Internet Explorer is the Fox News of the browser world. Full of lies and deceit, yet somehow, with their undeserved money and power, they have embedded themselves into the computers of the unknowing majority. Shame on them."
Shame on them.
Shame shame.
Shame on them.
Shame shame.
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